Archive for the ‘Communication’ Category
Body Language Intelligence for Professional Women and Leaders
September 27th, 2010 | 
Author: How can professional women achieve a more commanding presence without being considered overly aggressive or bitchy? How can professional women express their opinions and be taken seriously in the workplace, even male-dominated environments?
One of the ways is by learning how to control and leverage your body language and vocal power when communicating with others. Greater mastery of verbal and non-verbal communication is an essential skill for all professionals, women and men; yet few people really understand it or take the time to work on it.
“Our attitudes and emotions are continually revealed on our faces and we are completely unaware of it most of the time.” – Allan Pease, author of The Definitive Book of Body Language.
At the 2010 Business Women’s Forum in Hartford, CT, I presented a communications workshop entitled “Power Up Your Communication: Vocal Power and Body Language Intelligence for Women.” This program is designed to help professional women strengthen their competence, confidence and credibility by increasing their awareness, control and influence of how they use their voice, movement and gestures when communicating.
- Read the blog post about BWF luncheon keynote speaker Paula Abdul with her advice “Get Comfortable with the Uncomfortable.”
Below is a video that I showed during the workshop from Forbes magazine and Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., business coach and author of “The Non-Verbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work” on the Top Ten Body Language Mistakes Women Leaders Make, such as too many head tilts, physically condensing, acting girlish and excessive smiling. Click on the black box to view this short video.
Don't use a delicate handshake.
Professional Handshake
One of the top ten mistakes that Dr. Kinsey Gorman points out is when women use a delicate handshake. I couldn’t agree with her more. A delicate handshake, the finger tip grab or the princess handshake, as I like to call it, sends an immediate non-verbal signal of weakness when used in a work/professional setting.
Of course there are cultural differences and social exceptions (e.g., when you are shaking an elderly person’s hand, or the Queen of England). Study up if you are traveling abroad or attending a special event or situation. Ask for advice ahead of time as to what type of handshake or greeting is appropriate in that particular situation.
Practice giving a professional handshake
In my book, Networking Ahead for Business, I outline the three principles of a professional American-style business handshake:
- Complete: You want to make full contact, that is web-to-web, with the groove between your index finger and your thumb coming together without any gaps in that space.
- Equal: Make sure that both people’s palms are in vertical position. Neither party should attempt to dominate or be submissive, which is communicated unconsciously when one hand is underneath or on top of the other person’s palm. There should be no bending at the wrist. .
- Receptive: Apply the same pressure that you receive. You don’t want to hurt someone with too much pressure. “Bone crushers” and “vice grips” should be avoided at all times. At the other extreme, you don’t want to give them a wimpy grip. Hug the hand, by wrapping your fingers around their palm. The handshake should feel good to you both. It should never create physical pain or displeasure.
Watch this YouTube video on Handshake Do’s and Don’ts with Kathy McAfee.
Use Your Vocal Power
I’d like to introduce you to your vocal dashboard. It is a very cool and powerful instrument panel that gives you more control and more influence when you use your voice. We all have a vocal dashboard, but most of us set it and forget it, never adjusting the dials to leverage the power that our voices truly possess.
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ather than just talking, consider playing with the knobs on your vocal dashboard to power up your communication. Developing greater mastery over your voice is not just a skill reserved for singers, actors and professional speakers. It is for anyone who wants to be heard, has something to say and could use a little more influence in his or her life. That includes you.
Let’s examine the five basic dials on your vocal dashboard:
1. Tone of your voice (pitch)
2. Tempo of your voice (speed)
3. Timbre of your voice (quality)
4. Volume of your voice (loudness)
5. Mute (the powerful sound of silence)
Research from Professor Albert Mehrabian of UCLA suggests that 38% of the meaning of your communication in face to face communication situations is influenced by HOW you use your voice.
One tip that I like to give professionals is that if they can utilize the “low and slow” tone and tempo vocal combination when giving recommendations, you subtly increase your command and authority. Remember also to look them in the eye when you give your recommendations. Darting or downcast eye glances have a very negative effect on your personal power and influence.
“You make your living through your voice. Your mouth is not just your mind out loud.”- Arthur Samuel Joseph, author of Voice of a Leader: Vocal Awareness to Empower Your Communication in Business and Life
For more insights and exercises that you can do to strengthen your voice and body as communication tools, I suggest that you…
Download the FREE 23-Page WORKBOOK_Vocal Power and Body Language Intelligence for Professionals
For more information about the workshop “Power Up Your Communication: Vocal Power and Body Language Intelligence for Professionals” please contact professional speaker Kathy McAfee at (860) 408-0033 or visit her web site: www.MotivatedSpeaker.com
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Beware of Upspeak
This week I was the luncheon keynote at Mohegan Sun at an event to celebrate and honor Administrative Professionals Day and to provide additional training to these women who are now being asked to take on the duties of professional meeting planners.
I was debuting a new program called: Power Up Your Communication: Vocal Power and Body Language Intelligence for Professionals. It was a great deal of fun and the audience took away great pointers on how they could bolster their communication mastery in order to increase their competence, confidence and credibility on the job.
Click on this video to view a television interview with TV host Steve Adubato and Kathy McAfee discussing the importance of verbal and non-verbal communication.
Steve asked me to explain the dangers of Up Speak, the bad habit where a person makes a question out of a sentence that isn’t a question. This is a common affliction for teenagers, some women and younger professionals. Up Speak puts doubt in the listener’s mind and causes them to think that you don’t know what you are talking about. Up Speak is a credibility killer.
If you would like to learn more about this topic, you can download a special 23-page workbook for free on me: FREE WORKBOOK: Vocal Power and Body Language Intelligence for Professionals. This information will help you better leverage your voice and body language. Check it out. Pass it on.
I am also available to come and speak to your company, group or team about this topic. My “Vocal Power and Body Language Intelligence for Professionals” program is available as a 45 minute keynote talk, a 2-hour seminar or a half-day hands-on workshop for professional development.
- To book Kathy McAfee as a keynote speaker for your your next conference or meeting, please call Kathy at (860) 408-0033 or email her at Kathy@MarketingMotivator.net
WOW! venues for meetings and conferences
This blog post wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t share my impression and opinion of Mohegan Sun and its amazing staff. As I walked through the Mohegan Sun casino facility (located in Uncasville, Connecticut) I was reminded of what a fantastic venue it is. It is so much more than just a casino. The artwork, design, sculpture, waterfalls will blow you away. It hosts more top restaurants than many cities can maintain.
If service is important to you (and when is it not?), you cannot find better people – true service professionals – than at Mohegan Sun. Working with the Mohegan Sun staff including Mary, Nancy, Jim, Jessica and Gina, who specialize in banqueting, meeting planning, convention services and sales support left me with a very positive impression in my mind. It made me wonder why so many people book their meetings at regular conventions centers (where parking alone can break the bank for attending guests $19/day). Why would you send you people to an uninspired conference facility that YOU have to transform, when you could engage your guests with more fun on earth at Mohegan Sun. By the way, parking is free and plentiful. Even valet parking is free!
If motivating our people is important and you want to make a lasting impression, book your next meeting at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut.
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Manage Your Online Persona
My technology coach, Rob Bronson, just showed me a YouTube video from Lisa Nova, the self-proclaimed Twitter Whore. Her videos made my blood boil and compelled me to share my thoughts.
Lisa Nova has created quite a brand for herself. Her videos on YouTube have attracted quite the following. As of today, viewership of her three videos are in the millions:
- Twitter Whore – part 1: 1,861,420 views
- Twitter Whore – part 2: 1,069,507 views
On the one hand, Lisa’s videos on Twitter make a powerful point: people are spending enormous amounts of time tweeting about ridiculously things. The need to have followers and to get attention has has risen to new disturbing levels. “Add me” “Love me” “Follow me” “Tweet” – Lisa repeats in her parody videos – is becoming the new social epidemic.
On the other hand, poor Lisa has created a personal brand for herself, one that no doubt will hurt her future career prospects (unless she chooses to stay in the field of soft porn and on-line entertainment). Why on earth would she position herself as a whore in any context? If you think I’m being prudish or over-reacting, check out her other video Sloppy Drunk LisaNova with 7,023,939 views. Would you hire Lisa as an employee in your organization after seeing this video?
Key point #1: you must carefully manage your public persona and use good judgment in what you do and say on-line. It never goes away. It’s a permanent, world-wide record of your credibility and image.
Is it really our intention to get attention at any cost?
In many ways, technology is aiding and abetting misdemeanors in professionalism. These can have significant career management consequences. No one can refute the power of social media and its growing importance in the way we communicate, connect, promote and get elected. But we must be aware of its shortcomings and dangers.
Social media fills our desires to be in constant touch with others, to be accepted, to be noticed, and to be liked by others. This is especially true amongst young people, who are now growing up with social media as the norm for communication and interaction.
I do worry that the art of conversation and quality communication is being sacrificed for expediency and instant gratification. Technology offers us the ability to communicate to millions, very inexpensively, and instantly. When it comes to communication, what’s more important: quantity or quality? How will this affect our relationships long term?
Avoid Palaver
When I coach professionals in giving high engagement presentations, I urged them to avoid palaver, or idle chatter. This is especially important during the openings and closings of your presentations. In 1:1 conversations, a certain amount of small talk is appropriate to ensure rapport and to make people comfortable with you.
I think it’s safe to safe that there is a great deal of meaningless chatter on these social media sites.
I just checked my Twitter page and reviewed the content uploaded by my “friends and followers.” Some of the tweets had relevant substance (in my opinion), while other tweets were throw-aways, time wasters, meaningless chatter. Here’s an example “Good Morning! Happy Friday All!” While this is a nice thing to say, and I know that you are still alive and kicking, the message lacks substance.
Key point #2: If you don’t have anything meaningful to say on-line, don’t say anything at all.
Now, I know what you are thinking. Meaning, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Who am I to judge what is meaningful to others. Who’s to say that this article is meaningful and worthy of reading or responding to. Certainly, my YouTube videos don’t have nearly as many views as Lisa Novas.
Key point #3: Personal vs. public thoughts – discern what’s appropriate
As a fellow motivated leader, I ask you to consider the idea that what you say and how you say it impacts your professional image, reputation and even your outcome. Every time you send out a communication, be thinking about how this behavior and message and style reflects on your personal leadership brand.
Before you hit that “reply all” button or Tweet something that feels important to you at the moment, stop and ask yourself:
- Is there a better way to respond?
- Is there a more appropriate channel or way to communicate what I need to communicate?
- Should I just let this urge pass me by?
- Is non-response the best response?
Now, the irony of this article is that I fully intend to share it with my friends on Twitter, Facebook and Linkedin. I’m curious as to what opinions and reactions others have. Does it make your blood boil also? Or should I have just let this one pass me by, saved myself hours in writing and chosen to ignore Lisa Nova and her videos?
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Do not be lazy with your body language
The power of non-verbal body language is huge and most of us are unaware of what we “do” when we are face to face with other people.
Becoming more aware of and learning to control your body language will help you to be more successful in securing second interviews, team meetings, peer encounters, selling, networking and more.
Research studies* show that 55% of the meaning of your communication is derived not from what you are saying, but from what you are doing with your body and movements. (source: Professor Albert Mehrabian, UCLA, 1970 study known as The 7%-38%-55% Rule)
“The fact is that body language is more honest than words.” Allan Pease, author of The Definitive Book of Body Language.
A tilt of your head, crossing your arms, pointing your index finger at someone when you are speaking to them, rolling your eyes: these and other physical motions communicate volumes without even opening your mouth. So the question is, are you signaling what you want? Is your non-verbal body language congruent (or aligned with) your spoken message? Is there a conflict with what you say and what you do and if so, which message will be believed?
“When a person’s words and body language are in conflict, women ignore what is said.” Allan Pease, The Definitive Book of Body Language
Click through to watch a TV interview with Kathy McAfee and PBS TV host, Steve Adubato on the importance of vocal power and body language intelligence for professionals.
Does it really make that much difference?
I first become fascinated with non-verbal communication when I Read the rest of this entry »
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